Monday, March 30, 2009

O, Rejoice in the Lord

Living with a special needs child can be quite challenging. There are things that we deal with that no one else can understand or relate to. And then again, I realize that we are blessed; there are many who cannot have children or have children who have far worse problems than Bailey. And believe me, I am a happy mom. I love my children with all of my heart. But I do find that by sharing here I am able to get things off of my chest. Also, I really do hope to be a help to someone out there who is struggling with the same issues.
Having said all of that, I must share with you my Sunday morning. I generally get up before everyone else so I can shower, iron and pray before church. And don't you know that Satan saw me kneeling before the Lord, asking Him to forgive me, speak to my heart, be with the pastor, etc. Therefore, he immediately began causing mischief in the Wiggins household.
I get Bailey up; only she's not ready to get up. So I have to grab her by the ankles and drag her to the end of the bed so that I can then grab her under the arms like you would an infant and sit her up. She's limp....on purpose....doesn't help me at all. Once I have stood her up (& I'm out of breath) I turn to walk out the door. Two steps away, I turn around and she's standing against the wall; her face flat on the wall. "Come on Bailey, let's get dressed for church" I continue walking to the living room. And she begins her usual, "Maaa Maaaaa". This is chanted repeatedly to no avail and gets louder and louder. I finally get her to the living room.
She's already wet, so I get a pull up and wet wipes and rip the side of the pull up. As soon as she's free, she walks off to the TV (to listen to music) She refuses to come to me. I grab her arm and pull her over to me. "Step in", I tell her. She lets her body go limp total rebellion. (she may not know much, but she knows defiance!) I try to lift her leg myself and she's hollering at me and trying to scratch me. It looks like a cat & dog fighting...seriously! Once again, I am out of breath.
Next comes clothes. After another bout in what seems like the WWF, she's dressed. Now the hard part (as if all the rest of this hasn't been crazy hard) brushing of the teeth and hair. While she is involved in her DVD, I slip up behind her...very quiet like...easy now...easy..........& 'pounce', like a leopard I charge! I'm in....brush quickly...get in...get out. There's toothpaste everywhere (she doesn't know how to spit) she's grabbing my hands and stomping my feet with her shoes. And of course....limp again. Oh My Soul! This child is out to get me today.
One thing left, hair. Once she has settled down and is once again into the music, I make a second freshly washed/dried hair is now damp around the edges from me sweating up a storm....ok, I can do it....and 'attack'! Here I go. Her hair is down to her butt, so it's like brushing Rapunzel's hair! She absolutely hates for her hair to be washed or brushed. The whole time I'm brushing, she's taking her hands and pulling down what I've put up. She's spitting at me, screaming, stomping my feet, going limp, & scratching. Now we're really going at it. It takes every ounce of strength to get this hair of hers in a simple ponytail.
By the time I'm done, I'm just that....done! I have let Satan get the upper hand, again. Now I'm in a bad mood, Bailey is in a bad mood...and it's gonna spread if I don't stop it soon! But jeez, I am so tired. Tired of the same fight and battle that I have fought every day for nearly eight years. Tired of being tired. Tired of always having to do everything for her. Tired of letting Satan steal my joy and giving in to him every time. It was then that I thought of the song, 'O, rejoice in the Lord, He makes no mistakes; He knoweth the end of each path that I take; and when I am tried and purified, I shall come forth as gold'. What conviction. I repented immediately for the horrible thoughts that I had had toward Bailey and not only Bailey; but toward the life that the Lord has given me.
And you know what, the Lord does forgive and renews that right spirit within me. The Lord made no mistake in creating Bailey or in placing her in the Wiggins family. Again, like I've said before...don't think that because I am a preacher's wife that I do not have heartaches, bad days, hard times....if fact, sometimes I think Satan works overtime at our house!