Thursday, January 22, 2009

REPRINT from June 11, 2008- "You're Invited"

I have all we need: confetti, party hats, shiny streamers, a cake & metallic balloons. The occasion? Reading my other blog entry sent me into a little pity party! I know, I should not let things weigh me down, but I'll be the first to admit that although you try to serve God with all faith and joy, sometimes situations can bring you down. Yes, I know it's wrong; but I think that if I jest get all of this off my chest I'll feel better. Besides, it's not really me that I feel sorry for; it's Bailey. And honestly, I think sharing my heart will help others who have a child like Bailey.
As I was in that 'other' situation in the other blog entry, I couldn't help but notice some things. There were a couple of 2 year olds, a 3 year old, a 4 year old and that 6 year old. Bailey is the oldest one in the room. They were all playing; doing things normal kids do: playing pretend with the baby dolls, building with legos, getting up and down from the table, talking to one another, sitting down and standing up, getting on and off the car. What's wrong with this picture? Nothing, except it's all things that Bailey could not be included in because she is unable to do these things. Although she's right there with them, taking in every action & observing every detail, she's still an outsider. She can't say, "wanna play house?" or "let's play duck duck goose" (she doesn't even know what those things are) Does she even realize this? I don't know. I don't think so. She probably things she's just as normal as everyone else there. Although sometimes she does have that look on her face as if to say, I wish I could do all of that, too". It makes me so sad for her.
She's missing out on so many things...little things that we take for granted. Even right this moment, she's watching Brody put on his spiderman outfit and jump around saying "I'm Spiderman!" He's jumping around with ease, saying and doing whatever he wants with no problems. (as if she knows what I'm doing, she just came over, mouth wide open, and gave me a kiss)
Would I change her if possible? I would change the fact that she doesn't speak and I would change the fact that her motor skills are undeveloped. But I would never change the person she is. She has a wonderful personality, even if the outside world never sees it. She is appreciated, loved and wanted. So, OK, party over. Now that wasn't too bad was it? If just needed to explain some of the heartache I have from now and then. Thanks for listening!


PorchSitter said...

I appreciate your honesty. I think we sometimes feel that being a Christian means we always have to be happy, with never a problem. A 'real' Christian admits the help of the Savior and the friends and loved ones He's put in their life. Sometimes just venting really helps! (I ought to know, ha)! My heart does go out to you. I can't say I understand, but I love you! I'm praying for you!