i have some extra time on my hands tonight....michael is in fort worth for a quick get away!  he really needed it.  he is spending a couple of days with two of his best friends.  i am glad that he has other men in the ministry who he can confide in and relax around.  they are always encouraging to him.  i appreciate these men of God very much.

anyway,  just gonna share what is on my heart....theres a lot!  most of you who follow know that i am the wife of a preacher, a pastor specifically.  i am so honored to say that!  i love the ministry and i love serving in the church.  i would rather be no where else!  i believe strongly that just because i am a preacher's wife i am not automatically blessed with an easier path or a more direct line to the Savior.  i am, in fact, sure that many times, the life in the ministry can be quite trying and tiresome.  i feel that i fail in so many ways...in fact, i know that i do.  now im not gonna go to confessing all sorts of things, but i will say that i am not the pastor's wife that i should be.  i find myself becoming a martha many times; serving, serving, serving without worshipping.  my motives at times are absolutely wrong.  my attitude can be a little on the stinky side and i will just go ahead and say it, i get aggrivated so easy at times.  there, i said it, i am human; i am a sinner; i am just like every other person.  satan hates me and wants me to fail so that i influence my husband and he in turn fails.

i feel like paul a lot of the time.  i find myself not doing the things that i KNOW i should be doing.  whether its not studying the Word of God as i should, or telling others about Christ like i should, or praying fervently, or being a good example...whatever the case, i seem to fall short of doing the right things.  on the other hand, i seem to do the things i shouldn't.  i become easily provoked, i get my feelings hurt, i lash out at my children, i get snappy with my husband, i hurt those closest to me with my attitude. 

situations come into play that can become discouraging.  scenarios take place that seem so damaging.  it is easy in these times to become backslidden.....that's right, a preacher's wife can become backslidden...cold...indifferent...right there on the front row (or 2nd in my case)  i certainly dont want that.  i want to be the example and leader that God wants me to be.  i want to serve with joy because God allows me to.  my focus seems to have shifted somewhere along the way.  i have prayed and sought God's forgiveness concerning these things. 

i am so thankful, tho, that my Lord always forgives and gives me yet again another chance.  He is so mericful to me, withholding judgment many times; and very gracious, allowing me benefits i certainly do not deserve.

the Christian life is the greatest thing in the world!  but honestly, i think that it can be the hardest thing in the world.  when in the ministry, things are seen with a different light.  burdens are different and loads sometimes seem unbearable.  becoming overwhelmed is very a very easy thing to do.  realizing that people look to us (the pastor and his wife) to be the advice givers, the prayer warriors, the problem solvers....well, it can get scary.  the weight and pressure felt by my husband must be quite heavy at times, although i am probably unaware of half of the things that he 'shields' me from.  (preposition at end of sentence! EEEEK)  michael is a wonderful pastor.  his heart is big and he loves the people with every last beat of his heart.  pastors are such special people.  i don't just say that because my husband is one.  ive always had a special place in my heart for pastors.  these men of God give their lives to God to be used to nourish the flock, to be the undershepherd.  shepherding is strenous and time comsuming.  i am so thankful to God that he has given me a husband who loves Christ and just simply wants to serve Him.  i am honored to be his wife.  i am happy to serve alongside him.  we love our church greatly.  our hearts desire is to see them grow spiritually.  we want the best for these, the flock God has given to us.

we love you victory baptist church.  we love serving you, we love being there for you, we love praying for you, we love fellowshipping with you!