well, i have been sick since january.  at first i thought it was just allergies.  had stuffy nose and all.  well, days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months.  of course everyone told me to go to the dr.  but i was not about to do that.  i got worse and worse.  not to mention i think i have sleep apnea, have gained 100 since marriage (did i just admit that publically to the whole world?!), etc.

i didnt wanna go to the dr for many reasons.  well, i havent been to a dr (except to have babies) since i was 15.  thats right, 16 years have passed since ive been to a regular dr.  that scared me.  why?  because i knew that the day i went i was gonna hear news that i was in denial of:  high blood pressure, cholesterol probs, thyroid probs, weight issues, etc.  who wants to go hear some phd tell me how bad ive been at taking care of my 'soul carriage'?

sleep has never been an issue with me, i have always been able to sleep well.....love me some sleep....but lately the snoring was worse and i was waking several times in the nite feeling like i couldnt breathe.  i would wake up tired and fatigued.  well, nite bf last, michael was working ems and i was still terribly sick.  i couldnt sleep at all.  i woke up drenched in sweat.  i was breathing terribly hard.  i began to panic.  i was hacking out my lungs coughing up things that are not meant to be spoken of....i immediately rolled over to my left side to maybe bring down my bp if it was up.  i tried to calm myself and regulate my breathing.

needless to say, when i woke up i immediately found me a dr to go see!  conclusion:  i have an infection so have a zpac and cough med.  my bp was 158/106.  i knew it would be high.  the pa came in and fussed me out about not going to dr..blah blah blah..and for my weight gain...blah blah blah...and said i should look into a sleep study..booooo!  so she got me some bp meds as well.

i feel horrible.  i think going to the dr made me worse than i was before i went.  i am drained, tired, barely breathing, hacking, snotting, wheezing, aching, coughing up awful phlem...

pray for me.....i hate being sick and have always prided myself on the fact that i never do get sick.