well, i have been sick since january.  at first i thought it was just allergies.  had stuffy nose and all.  well, days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months.  of course everyone told me to go to the dr.  but i was not about to do that.  i got worse and worse.  not to mention i think i have sleep apnea, have gained 100 since marriage (did i just admit that publically to the whole world?!), etc.

i didnt wanna go to the dr for many reasons.  well, i havent been to a dr (except to have babies) since i was 15.  thats right, 16 years have passed since ive been to a regular dr.  that scared me.  why?  because i knew that the day i went i was gonna hear news that i was in denial of:  high blood pressure, cholesterol probs, thyroid probs, weight issues, etc.  who wants to go hear some phd tell me how bad ive been at taking care of my 'soul carriage'?

sleep has never been an issue with me, i have always been able to sleep well.....love me some sleep....but lately the snoring was worse and i was waking several times in the nite feeling like i couldnt breathe.  i would wake up tired and fatigued.  well, nite bf last, michael was working ems and i was still terribly sick.  i couldnt sleep at all.  i woke up drenched in sweat.  i was breathing terribly hard.  i began to panic.  i was hacking out my lungs coughing up things that are not meant to be spoken of....i immediately rolled over to my left side to maybe bring down my bp if it was up.  i tried to calm myself and regulate my breathing.

needless to say, when i woke up i immediately found me a dr to go see!  conclusion:  i have an infection so have a zpac and cough med.  my bp was 158/106.  i knew it would be high.  the pa came in and fussed me out about not going to dr..blah blah blah..and for my weight gain...blah blah blah...and said i should look into a sleep study..booooo!  so she got me some bp meds as well.

i feel horrible.  i think going to the dr made me worse than i was before i went.  i am drained, tired, barely breathing, hacking, snotting, wheezing, aching, coughing up awful phlem...

pray for me.....i hate being sick and have always prided myself on the fact that i never do get sick.

black/white
yes/no
Satan/Jesus
right/wrong
up/down
in/out
hot/cold

....to me, the choice is obvious.  too many christians living in the gray zone!  the gray zone is for the one who wants christianity his way.  a little world here, a pinch of Christ there, a smidgen of self on top.  just enough Christ to say we are saved and just enough world to make us popular.

it becomes confusing trying to figure out whose side each person is on.

there should be a VERY distinct difference in the christian and the world.  can you be picked out in a crowd as being a christian?  does my mouth, my attitude, my dress, my actions point to Christ?  they should. 
all.  the.  time.

Im glad...

im glad that i am still a daddy's girl.  100%, without a doubt, proudly spoiled rotten.  and everyone knows it.  and it's accepted (especially by me).  i will always be his precious princess angel little girl!

im glad that my mom is my best friend (outside of my hubby of course)  she still takes care of me like im 10 years old. 

im glad my big brother is also my best friend, that without question he would punch someone in the face if it meant taking up for his little sister, that we can be brutally honest with each other and still walk away friends, that he found a wife that makes him happy.

im glad that i have 4 nephews.

im glad that i have wonderful in-laws, that they treat me as if i am their own daughter, that we talk often, that they love me.

im glad that i have a Godly husband who truly loves me, that has high standards, that protects me, the shields me from things, that he puts his family first.

im glad that i have shelby, that she is such an awesome big sister, that she is so much like me, that she is super funny, that she is so mature for her age.

im glad that i have bailey, that she has come so far, that she makes me smile, that she enjoys everything about her life even when i dont.

im glad i have a son, brody, that he is 200% all boy, that he is rough and tough but still likes to cuddle with me.

im glad i have a church family who supports me, loves me, serves the Lord with gladness, is friendly.

im glad there are a handful of friends from highschool who are now serving Christ.

im glad that Jesus loved me enough to give me extra grace and mercy for so many years that i rejected Him, that He never stopped convicting me of my need for salvation, that to this day He still convicts me of sin, that He dumps truck loads of blessings on me that i most certainly do not deserve, that He is perfect and holy, that He is coming back for His church and that i am part of it, that I know i have an eternal home in heaven!

im glad....

brody has been asking some funny questions lately.  he was petting chloe (our dachsund) on her belly last night when he piped up with, "Mom, when will my boobies get big?" HA!

today i pick him up from school and he says "I have something stuck in my throat.  i have a note.  i went to the nurse."  me, "Did you swallow something?"  brody, "i think so.  it must be a fingernail because it's pokey."

useless information that i am sure no one cares about, but if nothing else, one day i will re-read this and get a little chuckle!